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An ice cream parlour on the street, after closing

The Doom Scoop

Daily news, usually bad.

Every morning a timer reads the channels Ryan keeps an eye on and fills a tub in the cabinet with what they put out between five the morning before and five that morning. That is the morning edition. The newest stands at the front with the scoop in it; the six mornings before it are behind it, each a flavour of its own and each a little more scraped out than the last.

A week, and then it is gone. The eighth morning is not kept, not archived and not moved to a back page. It goes, and it is still on the channel that posted it. Up the street is the Doomscroll, whose whole shape is a roll with no end to it. This one has a bottom, and you can see it from the door.

The cabinet was last filled at 7:37 am on Saturday 26 September, Mountain time, and the newest tub is that morning’s.

Behind the counter

On the counter

Ground News and MeidasTouch News publish no feed a timer can read, so nothing is scooped from them. One answers “not found” wherever a feed usually lives and the other puts up a bot check, and a bot check is somebody saying no to a machine. They are doors on the counter instead, to their own front pages as they are today.

In the cabinet

Saturday 26 September Blueberry the morning edition: five on Friday morning to five on Saturday

Independent News

MeidasTouch

Its feed did not reach back to five on Friday morning, so some of its day may be missing from this tub.

  1. 🚨Trump hits ROCK BOTTOM as XI LEAVES…

    Friday 5:00 am · 16:09

  2. 🚨ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE as Zelensky GOES DEEP…

    Friday 6:30 am · 15:01

  3. 🚨Trump’s PICK Gets CORNERED…

    Friday 8:00 am · 19:57

  4. 🚨 Trump gets BLINDSIDED in Texas..BY MTG?!!

    Friday 9:30 am · 19:27

  5. 🚨 Trump Makes It SO MUCH WORSE…

    Friday 11:02 am · 21:30

  6. 🚨 Iran DROPS REALITY CHECK….

    Friday 1:07 pm · 15:54

  7. Trump DOJ Just BLEW ANOTHER Epstein Deadline...

    Friday 2:30 pm · 15:25

  8. 🚨 GOP split and go after TRUMPS FAMILY

    Friday 4:05 pm · 11:41

  9. BREAKING: Supreme Court JUST RULED…

    Friday 5:09 pm · 17:43

  10. 🚨Trump JUST ESCALATED AGAIN…

    Friday 8:07 pm · 16:19

  11. Trump’s Housing Market Just FROZE UP...

    Friday 9:00 pm · 17:29

  12. Trump ICE Shooting Just Took a DARK TURN…

    Friday 11:00 pm · 10:48

  13. Navy’s OWN LETTER Just BLEW UP Trump’s Story...

    Saturday 12:30 am · 10:16

Late Night

The Daily Show

  1. Tech Yeah: Eavesdropping Smart Watches, Humanoid Games & Busty Robo-Companions | The Daily Show

    Friday 5:32 am · 5:24

YouTubers

Jason Salmon

  1. Xi Loves Me…Not #cnn #xi #unitednations #iran #israel #war #casualties #politics #comedy #shorts

    Friday 9:50 am · 2:59

Texas Paul

  1. Sorry folks I can't do my normal video takes on today's events like the SCOTUS voting ruling.

    Friday 11:32 am · 2:00

Tennessee Brando

  1. Why Is NOBODY Talking About How STRAGE This Was

    Friday 9:00 am · 12:38

Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk

  1. #duet with Ms Mayday Seven Hours

    Friday 9:38 am · 1:06

  2. Grateful

    Friday 9:39 am · 1:35

  3. #duet with AngryMaleVet At this point I’m almost speechless

    Friday 9:40 am · 2:06

  4. Friday

    Friday 2:40 pm · 0:21

Nothing from A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers, Monologues on Late Night, Jimmy Kimmel Live and Lawyer Oyer this morning.

Friday 25 September Mango the morning edition: five on Thursday morning to five on Friday

Late Night

A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers

  1. Trump's GOP Allies Distance Themselves From Him, Media Ban Lifted, Xi Gets Red Carpet: A Closer Look

    Thursday 7:00 pm · 14:53

Monologues on Late Night

  1. Trump Clashed with First White House Ballroom Architect

    Friday 3:00 am · 19:37

Jimmy Kimmel Live

  1. Trump Showers Chinese President with Praise & Jimmy’s Assistant Natalie Interrupts the Monologue

    Thursday 9:45 pm · 12:45

  2. Mo Amer on James Bond Moment with Pierce Brosnan, Doing a USO Tour & Headlining Radio City

    Friday 12:00 am · 10:51

  3. Ben Affleck on Giving His Kids Advice, Winning Millionaire & New Movie Animals

    Friday 12:00 am · 20:22

The Daily Show

  1. Midterm Anal-a-Zone: Hot Dog Rage, BDSM Pics & Salsa with a Side of Racism | The Daily Show

    Thursday 5:32 am · 6:43

  2. Trump Spooked by Plane at Xi Meeting & Sen. Tuberville Rails Against Flying Furries | The Daily Show

    Thursday 7:59 pm · 10:26

  3. Merritt Wever’s Late Night Debut & “Primetime” | The Daily Show

    Thursday 9:29 pm · 15:34

YouTubers

Texas Paul

  1. Republicans cheat again as Greg Abbott's DPS doesn't hand over voter registrations.

    Thursday 9:35 am · 2:56

  2. Never forget or let them forget that these high prices were a choice made by Trump & MAGA voters.

    Thursday 1:44 pm · 1:48

Tennessee Brando

  1. I Don’t Think Trump Knows What He’s WALKING INTO

    Thursday 3:30 pm · 9:45

  2. I Keep Hearing the Same Thing About Trump’s AI Push

    Thursday 7:00 pm · 9:34

Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk

Its feed did not reach back to five on Thursday morning, so some of its day may be missing from this tub.

  1. 16k to zero

    Thursday 7:00 pm · 1:30

    Watch on YouTube — 2 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  2. This is about the midterms

    Thursday 7:39 pm · 1:56

  3. Texas Cheatin’

    Thursday 8:00 pm · 1:27

    Watch on YouTube — 1 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  4. Blue Wave In Red States

    Thursday 9:00 pm · 1:42

    Watch on YouTube — 2 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  5. It’s gonna be rough

    Thursday 10:00 pm · 1:16

    Watch on YouTube — 1 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  6. Let’s just try it

    Thursday 11:00 pm · 1:32

    Watch on YouTube — 2 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  7. Idaho

    Friday 12:00 am · 2:06

    Watch on YouTube — 2 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  8. But why?

    Friday 1:00 am · 0:55

    Watch on YouTube — 55 seconds →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  9. He doesn’t want this

    Friday 2:00 am · 1:13

    Watch on YouTube — 1 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  10. We all see who and what they are

    Friday 3:00 am · 1:40

    Watch on YouTube — 2 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

  11. They just gave up

    Friday 4:00 am · 1:44

    Watch on YouTube — 2 min →

    Its channel has switched off showing it on other sites, so it plays on YouTube and not in here.

Nothing from Jason Salmon and Lawyer Oyer this morning.

The feeds for MeidasTouch were not read far enough back to say what they put out this morning.

Thursday 24 September Vanilla the morning edition: five on Wednesday morning to five on Thursday

Late Night

A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers

  1. Trump Faces GOP Backlash for Xi Visit, Snaps at CNN's Kaitlan Collins, Threatens Iran: A Closer Look

    Wednesday 7:00 pm · 14:46

Monologues on Late Night

  1. Trump Renames AI to "Super Intelligence"

    Thursday 3:00 am · 18:35

Jimmy Kimmel Live

  1. Trump’s TV Network FLOPS, Panicking Republicans Spew NONSENSE & Guillermo Dances His Heart Out!

    Wednesday 9:45 pm · 14:15

  2. John Wilson on New Documentary The History of Concrete & Opening a Movie Theater in Queens

    Thursday 12:00 am · 9:54

  3. Brandi Carlile on Sad Gay Version of Her Album, Covering Alanis Morissette & Taking Her Kids on Tour

    Thursday 12:00 am · 12:43

The Daily Show

  1. Hitman Candidate: Josh Johnson Talks to NJ Councilman & Ex-Mob Enforcer John Alite | The Daily Show

    Wednesday 5:35 am · 6:12

  2. Trump Can’t Find Rubio, Pirro Tackles Meteorite Corruption & Melania Gets a Sequel | The Daily Show

    Wednesday 8:01 pm · 8:40

  3. Jessica Tarlov - “I Disagree: Winning Arguments Without Losing Friends” | The Daily Show

    Wednesday 9:30 pm · 27:15

YouTubers

Jason Salmon

  1. When my wife asks me a question, it's not a question #marriage #relationship #standupshorts

    Wednesday 9:19 am · 1:56

Texas Paul

  1. Trump, JD Vance and Mehmet Oz just lied about fraud in the Obamacare exchanges.

    Wednesday 11:57 am · 2:58

Tennessee Brando

  1. What Rehab Taught Me About My Life

    Wednesday 1:20 pm · 22:19

  2. Hunter Biden Shares HIS STORY With Me… And It Hit Home

    Wednesday 7:00 pm · 33:02

Lawyer Oyer

  1. Trump’s media ban gets even more disturbing

    Wednesday 8:39 am · 1:35

The feeds for MeidasTouch and Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk were not read far enough back to say what they put out this morning.

Wednesday 23 September Mint the morning edition: five on Tuesday morning to five on Wednesday

Late Night

Monologues on Late Night

  1. Trump Pardons PGA Golf Caddy for 30-Year-Old Drug Conviction

    Tuesday 7:00 pm · 9:17

Jimmy Kimmel Live

  1. Trump’s Threatening Ramble at the UN, His Minions Defend News Ban & Guillermo the Dancing Star!

    Tuesday 9:45 pm · 13:01

  2. Ke Huy Quan on Filming The Goonies, Being Cast in Everything Everywhere All at Once & New Memoir

    Wednesday 12:00 am · 9:06

  3. Jamie Foxx on Appreciating Life Now, Expecting a Baby & His Dad Living with Him

    Wednesday 12:00 am · 17:05

The Daily Show

  1. Trump Talks S**t at the U.N., Rebrands AI as "Superintelligence" & Praises Mamdani | The Daily Show

    Tuesday 8:00 pm · 11:29

  2. Tom Morello On “Everyone Gets Everything They Want” & Power to the People Festival | The Daily Show

    Tuesday 9:29 pm · 10:30

YouTubers

Texas Paul

  1. Dan Patrick criminal AI deep fakes and also how AI is about to make EVERYTHING even more expensive.

    Tuesday 6:46 am · 2:57

Tennessee Brando

  1. Trump’s Press Ban BACKFIRED Immediately

    Tuesday 12:02 pm · 11:52

Lawyer Oyer

  1. Republican senator calls for investigation of Donald Trump Jr.

    Tuesday 2:49 pm · 2:20

Nothing from A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers and Jason Salmon this morning.

The feeds for MeidasTouch and Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk were not read far enough back to say what they put out this morning.

Tuesday 22 September Lemon sorbet the morning edition: five on Monday morning to five on Tuesday

Late Night

A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers

  1. Trump's Media Ban Backfires, Arch Gets Drones & Snipers & Seth Recaps a Crazy Summer: A Closer Look

    Monday 7:00 pm · 21:27

Monologues on Late Night

  1. Trump Tells Voters to Pretend He's Running

    Tuesday 3:00 am · 25:00

Jimmy Kimmel Live

  1. Trump Bans News Outlets from the White House, Has a Thing for Mamdani & Is Melania A.I.?

    Monday 9:45 pm · 14:53

  2. Woody Harrelson on Emmys Bathroom with Jimmy & Matthew McConaughey & Matthew Being His Brother

    Tuesday 12:00 am · 14:54

  3. Sam Richardson on Loving the Detroit Lions, Batting Practice with the Tigers & Matchbox: the Movie

    Tuesday 12:00 am · 7:39

The Daily Show

  1. Trump's WH Press Ban Riles Even Fox News & D.C. Arch to Double as Military Complex? | The Daily Show

    Monday 8:26 pm · 23:53

  2. White House Bans Media Outlets & MAGA Embraces AI While Demonizing Immigrants | The Daily Show

    Monday 9:08 pm · 19:17

  3. Ari Emanuel on Channeling Rage and Ego Into Hollywood Success | The Daily Show

    Monday 9:30 pm · 21:50

YouTubers

Jason Salmon

  1. That's a calling card for Gen Xers #shorts #genx #crowdwork

    Monday 9:00 am · 1:56

Texas Paul

  1. NSFW, ICE are lazy trash that interfere with legal immigration to fill their invented quotas.

    Monday 7:29 am · 2:48

  2. You chastised me for condemning all MAGA, Republicans & conservatives. Let's talk about it.

    Monday 11:34 am · 2:04

Tennessee Brando

  1. These Lauren Boebert Allegations Are WILD

    Monday 9:00 am · 10:36

  2. MTG Is FINALLY Learning What She Voted For

    Monday 3:00 pm · 10:58

Lawyer Oyer

  1. Trump’s illegal assault on the press

    Monday 5:14 pm · 2:45

The feeds for MeidasTouch and Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk were not read far enough back to say what they put out this morning.

Monday 21 September Pistachio the morning edition: five on Sunday morning to five on Monday

YouTubers

Texas Paul

  1. You need to brace for it. Trump's m.o. is to do something really awful when in trouble.

    Sunday 12:19 pm · 2:30

  2. There is cell phone footage released of the Ice shooting in Austin. Looks like attempted murder.

    Sunday 5:40 pm · 1:19

  3. Wilber Garces Perez, the man shot by ICE in Austin today, has been transferred in to ICE custody.

    Sunday 7:42 pm · 1:32

Tennessee Brando

  1. Trump Just ESCALATED His WAR on the Press

    Sunday 5:04 pm · 9:21

Nothing from A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers, Monologues on Late Night, Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Daily Show, Jason Salmon and Lawyer Oyer this morning.

The feeds for MeidasTouch and Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk were not read far enough back to say what they put out this morning.

Sunday 20 September Taro the morning edition: five on Saturday morning to five on Sunday

Late Night

The Daily Show

  1. Josh on Kash Patel's Bestiality Stance & Kosta on Another Oil Strait Closure | The Daily Show

    Saturday 7:00 am · 27:51

YouTubers

Texas Paul

  1. Trump's. CNN distraction and why MAGA shouldn't vote or in some cases be American citizens.

    Saturday 9:23 am · 2:58

  2. Virginia, Vermont, Mississippi, Minnesota & South Dakota early or early absentee voting has begun.

    Saturday 3:05 pm · 0:33

Tennessee Brando

  1. I’m Calling BS on Joe Rogan’s Latest Claim

    Saturday 9:00 am · 11:55

  2. Trump’s “Jokes” Have a VERY Familiar Pattern

    Saturday 7:00 pm · 11:51

Nothing from A Closer Look — Late Night with Seth Meyers, Monologues on Late Night, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jason Salmon and Lawyer Oyer this morning.

The feeds for MeidasTouch and Hawk’s Podcasts / mdg650hawk were not read far enough back to say what they put out this morning.

If that was a lot

Nothing else on this street is news. The Healing Checkpoint has a bed made up and asks nothing of you for it, the Latibulum is a burrow under the hill for when you have had enough of being findable, and the Jungle Room is live cameras on waterholes, where most of the time nothing happens at all.

Whose this all is

The sources are Ryan Boren’s, in his groups and his order: the independent news, the late-night shows and the YouTubers he watches. Every video is its channel’s, every headline is written by whoever posted it, and every scoop names the channel it is on. None of these channels, shows or sites is affiliated with Stimpunks, and none of them endorses us; a source being in the cabinet is not Stimpunks vouching for everything on it. The full list, with links, is in the liner notes.

The room’s name is lettered in Leckerli One, by Gesine Todt, and everything else is Onest, by Dmitri Voloshin and Andrey Kudryavtsev, both under the SIL Open Font License.

HOW LOUD DO YOU WANT IT?

Starts wherever your device says. Nothing moves, flashes, or plays until you say so — and in here nothing moves at any setting. The news does enough of that, and the loudest thing in the room is whichever scoop you put on.

Job marker — an ice cream scoop dropped on the floor by the cabinet, with some mint still in it

You have found a job marker. The Adventurer’s Guild is a shopfront on the street, and it posts jobs that send you round these rooms. Take the code below to its board and that job is done. Nothing here is scored, nothing expires, and one is a perfectly good number of jobs to do.

The job: What flavour is Thursday?

Before the code: Every tub in the cabinet is a morning, and every morning is a flavour. What flavour is Thursday?

Hint 1

Every tub's lid says its day and its flavour, right under the date.

Hint 2

Find the tub whose date is a Thursday; there is always exactly one in a week.

Last hint

The plainest flavour there is.

Give me the answer

The answer is Vanilla. Every morning's tub in the cabinet is a flavour, and the flavour is the day of the week, so Thursday is always vanilla whatever is in it. How far down a tub is scraped says how many mornings old it is, and after a week it is gone.

Taking the answer is a real way through this, not a lesser one. Nothing is watching and nothing is written down.

Quest code: SPRINKLES

Hand it in at the Adventurer’s Guild →